By John Sullivan
“How I Hurt Myself”
(Lights up on Mr. URUKUMU & Baby Rookie Downstage Center. Mr. URUKUMU sits, gagged & tied to a chair. Baby Rookie walks around him in a circle. Think: a much less self-possessed Vic Vega-Wannabee / Mr. Blonde circling / torturing a captured cop in Reservoir Dogs—minus the physically demonstrative violence. Baby Rookie totes a scruffy-snubby old-school M16 & eats wieners compulsively while he talks, barks, howls or whispers at Mr. URUKUMU. Baby Rookie also uses these wieners to punctuate, conduct and emphasize various points in his story. Baby Rookie chomps, burps, wipes his mouth & chin with his arm, & dribbles meat as he holds forth.)
Baby Rookie
(Eats. Talks, paces, circles, bobs & weaves, & menaces Mr. URUKUMU with the wiener.)
. . .it was 5th grade. . . (Baby Rookie scratches his head with the wiener) . . . yeah, it was 5th, I was still in middle school, ya’ know . . . last year in Middle School, just before I started Junior High . . . (Stops) . . . hey, dude, did you like Junior High?
(Pause. Baby Rookie prods Mr. URUKUMU with a wiener.)
